At almost every function I attend, a wedding, kid's birthday party or communal gathering, someone comes up to me and says, "Rabbi, do you know why I don't go to synagogue...."
17 Comments Posted
Maybe people want your blessing for not going, Rabbi. Maybe they want to hear, "Well then don't go!"
It is hard to connect to a weekly thing and when you start going, ANYTHING gets tedious. Friends ask where you were and you feel commitmentphobia kicking in.
I didn't floss unless I needed to for years because hygenists nagged me the whole time I was laying in the dental chair. I even avoided seeing dentists for this reason. One day a MALE hygenist simply said that if I flossed one day a week that it would make a difference. Then he told me some funny stories and I relaxed. I immediately started flossing every day and I go back to see the dentist every six months. (My teeth thank me!)
I think the weekly commitment seems overwhelming to people. Especially since we have the equivalent of Thangsgiving dinner every Shabbos! Someone who wants to swim doesn't start swimming laps-- they start out slow. I suggest you tell them to try schul once a month and see if they like it.
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I am a jew 24/7. I do not need to go to a Synagogue to connect to Judaism and my Jewish heritage.
A synagogue is a wonderful experience, especially when you are young looking for direction and still deciding what path to follow for the future, and the social aspect was a big plus growing up in a small community.
You don't need the 4 walls of a synagogue to connect to G-d. G-d is with you 24/7.
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I'm sorry but there is no good reason at all, for not attending Synagogue inless it has to do with you simply put you have no way to be able to get there due to illness or what not. Synagogue is not a social hall, it is a place to give G-d reverence. Keeping the Shabbat holy is more than just lighting the candles every week and having a dinner, it's also about the Synagogue too. G-d should come first.
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I agree with you that G-d is with us 24/7. In fact that's obvious since He's One.
But the more we go to synagogue, the more "We" are with Him 24/7.
As the Rambam says -- one's love of G-d is identical with his knowledge of Him.
And in a synagogue, we can't help but learn more about our Rock and the depths of His Torah. Whereas elsewhere, such as at home, we have much to choose from -- magazines, tv, laying on a comfy couch.
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I am a man 24/7 and I don't need to prove it to anybody. But, I still make sure to eat 3 times a day, get 6-7 hours of sleep etc.
My soul, just like my body, needs to be fed constantly.
And yet, the way to connect to G-d is only the way he will tell you. A man can't reach G-d, if not for G-d's hand that is being offered on his side.
G-d's hand IS offered to you, all you have to do is to grab it.
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I attend synagogue sevn days a week. I have been Gabbai of my northern schul, and presently Gabbai of my Florida schul.
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I have never apologized to anyone -- certainly not to a rabbi -- for not going to synagogue.
I do not apologize for not doing things that I have no reason to do.
For everyone who apologizes to a rabbi for not going to synagogue, there may be 10 or 100 or 1000 or 10,000 other people who just don't go and don't apologize. The rabbi won't hear about (or from) them -- fortunately for him, because their (our) stories are not as cute as the apologies he hears and retells.
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to Anthony in Brisbane,
You are absolutely right! You are a jew 24/7 and if you don't need others around you to feel jewish, Kol HaKavod (all honor to you). However, other jews need YOU. You are part of the klal (community) that makes up judaism and gives support and meaning to others who need your presence to be able to say kaddish, and have a repetition of the Amidah and say Barchu and take out a Torah to hear the words of G-d spoken aloud. Without YOU we can't do these things. You are important to US! WE care that you aren't there when we need you. In judaism, the action speaks way louder than the thought. Getting out of bed a little earlier to help make a morning minyan isn't just an act of yiddiskeit (judaism), it can be an act of tzedakah (charity).
Shana Tovah Lecha (good year to you)
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Every time I went to synagogue as a child, I felt it was a waste of time. I pray to God where & when I WANT to pray to God. My prayers are more full of feeling then! Praying in a synagogue just to pray in a synagogue is like taking vitamins when one feels good...it has very little meaning! It's inconvenient for me to go to synagogue -- I have no car and the nearest synagogue must be six miles away or more! Besides, being a religious Jew will take away my dreams of marrying a Prince. There are NO Jewish HRH's, because there's (now), no monarchy in Israel. I want to marry a Prince -- Jewish or otherwise! Lord Frederick Windsor recently married a British -Jewish actress...but she is NOT religious! I don't like anti-semites...but Lord Frederick (& many other high placed HRH's), are today NOT anti-semites. Jimmy Carter wrote the book, "Why Not The Best?"
I echo this sentiment. Why not the best for Me, (too!)?
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I'm one of those people hurt and confused by demanding and intolerant people in the community, and I don't attend for several other reasons. On the other hand, my region is so deeply endowed with records of Jewsih history and, especially with the beauty and brilliancy of Moses as He and family delivered Torah, that (as I've always said) the outdoors and nature are truly my synagogue. Our communal mindset in the community really is, too- a daily and holy event. So, I feel no Jew goes without a visit to the temple, one way or the other!
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Gavriel --
Hearing, so many times in my life, that "other Jews need you to go to synagogue" is one of the things that helped me decide to stay away.
If a believer needs to have a particular number of other people around to "give support and meaning" to his/her belief, and so on, then that believer and that belief do not deserve whatever "support and meaning" s/he is trying to borrow from the fact of seeing other people showing up.
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Maybe I'm wrong, but I wanna share other perspective.
I don't view as good to keep going in a place that people act with discrimination. If I go, I support this behavior. I wanna belive that the complaint is true, and someone that complain is in pain.
But, I also understand that this is not o good reason for stop going, as
people are not perfect, in every place we will find difficulty and wrong things happening.
On the contrary, the hurt is a good reason for go to the synagogue. If this person felt hurt maybe many others felt the same and want or stop going.
The best, IMHO,is try to talk, discuss with the community. It's a great
risk, I know, but is the only way to see in a clear way what is truly
happening, and is the opportunity to change. Maybe is just a misunderstand, maybe is real... Make it clear is a good reason for keep going, because love your neighbor is not only a sentence that we read in the prayer book, is the effort to approach one to each other.
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i live on maui... one schul... if you don't go i might not be able to say kaddish or say amen...
if your head is bothering you because of your thoughts... guess what you are right...
i live on an island that is the last place in time to observe shabbat... i am so proud to be a jew when the 10th person walks thru the door... and its not every service that happens...
come to maui... all are welcome to pray to... just be jewish...
besides to be or not to go... it's only your question, not mine...
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i am not jewish. but if i were i would not allow my feelings and relationship with G-d be altered by other mere mortals. i thought the sole purpose of attending was to have a better connection. if one wants to be part of society there are other venues for this purpose.
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I think one of the MANY problems is the lack of sensitivity Rabbis have for the "individual" shul go-er. People laugh at all these "reasons" for not going to shul, but wake up, more and more people are experiencing the same things. It's great that you've mastered the chochma, bina and daat (wisdom, understanding, and knowledge -- together these make up the acronym "chabad"), but what about the rest of the attributes that make up a human? Are we just pieces of ice? Smiling at someone and giving them your seat is much more powerful than mumbling stuff you memorized.
Another one of the many issues... Its funny how out of all the days of the year, most synagogues choose Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur to ask for cover charge. The days when most unaffiliated jews decide to go to synagogue. Basically that perpetuates the stereo-type these unaffiliated jews had all along... its all about money. IM IN NO WAY SAYING LIFE SHOULD BE FREE! All Im saying is that synagogues should re-work their finances and fund raising, so they dont have to charge on those days. ChaBaD gets that.
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As the mother of four daughters who all went through a princess phase, your comment made me laugh out loud!
Your chances of marrying non-Jewish royalty are next to zero... but your opportunity to discover your own royalty as a "daughter of a King" is always available.
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The good that the synagogue provides, the good that the Rabbis provide, the extreme good that Torah observant Jews provide is far-reaching beyond their community.
It touches the entire world. This is blessings to the world that only the Jews have the priviledge of giving. The L-rd is wise in all His dealings.
If there is envy, it is because they do not understand how the L-rd chooses to work His blessings on mankind.
Attend. Attend. It is way more than just a little community. It is the world.
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